You decide to see what #Quest2016 and synchronicity has to do with things
With the #Quest2016 work that I’ve been doing, my past choices have been highlighted.
And while I’ve successfully led a life less ordinary (a goal I had in my twenties), and I’ve done what seem like quite adventurous things, really; I do feel that I’ve always been taking the dud path. That the true adventure was missed, that the glimpses of exciting stuff was meant for others, or that I couldn’t reach them from my chosen path.
And that has to do with choices I’ve always made–the safe choices. It doesn’t seem like I’m wired to make the truly adventurous ones. Because…
Take for example, my arrival in Harbin, China.
I had enough teaching experience from Yulin to take most classroom situations in my stride. What I needed was a social life (or so I thought).
I remember standing in the first ridiculous shower in Harbin the morning after my arrival as a ESL teacher, and thinking: Here we are–the perfect opportunity to re-invent myself.
I could try being a party girl, the life and soul of the party. I could pretend I knew less than everyone and flip my hair and giggle when asked questions I could answer, but which may have intimidated others (or so I’m always being told). I could pretend to be square while I’m, in fact, octagonal. Here was the chance to be anyone else but me.
And as the water trickled down and blurred my visions of Leenna the Party Girl, I was left with stark clarity instead. Did I really want to cope with more severe and frequent migraines than I already had, migraines that could be easily avoided by continuing to avoid alcohol? Did I really want to count downing a whole beer in under a minute as an achievement? Would pretending I knew nothing about everything really be doing those around me and myself a good service? Would cutting and tucking my soul into a shape it was never meant to take be something I could recover from? And if I could, did I want to lose that time to recovery?
And so I chose once more, to be me.
It was lonelier, but much more educational. I watched a colleague, who’d decided to be someone else, fall deeper into misery even as they professed gaiety and friendship and sold their soul out for sociability… I pitied this colleague, and I guess, I was pitied in return.
But once again, I’d taken the safe course. I didn’t sacrifice myself, nor find the golden torc. I returned home with a vague feeling that I’d again missed the true adventure…
#Quest2016 has confirmed for me that I made the right choices, even if I missed the adventures I’d hoped to have. There can be nothing healthier for you and your soul than honoring yourself. There’s no greater adventure than to live the life less ordinary…Or is there?
I still need adventure. It’s just a part of me. It’s why I write.
The synchronicity of it all:
Since last September, the universe has been trying to send me a message.
First I wrote a story. Then I wondered what to do with it. My inbox nested a link to a Choose Your Own Adventure site in October. I followed the link and the beginnings of an idea began to gel. In October, my aunt told me she was proud of me for choosing a different life. Things got a little confused in November and December with little signs here and there…Quest2016 helped with compass points in December, while finding them was synchronicity itself.
It wasn’t until yesterday, with the help of the sublime Goldfish, that I found out what exactly the universe was trying to tell me.
It’s simply this:
Four the last four months, I’ve been unconsciously pondering how to do this, while still honoring myself and my writing . And it’s all because of Candace.
Choose one of these choices.